Product or consumer defect?

The kids and I have some water bottles that we LOVE and ADORE. They are easy to drink out of (thus encouraging the actual consumption of water, rather than just its transportation), don't spill (!!), and come in bright colours. Seriously, guys, they are the best. However, we have one problem with them, as you will see. I sent the following e-mail to the company on September 14:

Good morning,

Firstly, thanks so much for such a great product! Your waterbottles are durable, spill-proof, and brightly coloured. All huge assets in my mind!

Our problem, however, seems to be keeping track of the lids. Is there any way we can buy replacement lid/straw/bite valve combos? I know it's possible to get the bite valves and straws, but our disorganisation extends a bit beyond that...

Thank you for your help!

So it's clear, right? You know what I'm getting at? I lose the lids to the bottles, and I would like to buy more. It could not possibly be more simple. Except, this is the e-mail I got yesterday (long after I'd thought that cyberspace had eaten the e-mail I sent them):

Hello,

Thank you for contacting Company. The defect you have encountered should not be expected from any of our products. We do indeed have replacements here for you in warranty. Just let me know your U.S. address and I'll be happy to send a replacement lids and straws for you.

Thank you for choosing Company.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't they suggesting that the fact that I can't keep track of the lids is a product defect?

Quote of the Evening

Neptune, as he realised his math mistake: Oh, no, I see. Bad math on my part. And on yours, 'cause you helped raise me.

Am I flattered? Or horrified?

Neptune (pointing to a comic book): She reminds me of you.

Me: Oh! Why?
Neptune: Because she's very nice. And she makes it always sunny, because she controls the weather.


Still not quite sure what the take-away from that was, but I'm going to take it as a compliment, and move on.

The future's so bright, you gotta wear shades

Necessary Update

Friends,

The tickets have been purchased, and outfit planning has begun.

Aslan and I are going to see Ke$ha!

I need a GPS to find my own feet

You know how some people can get to an unfamiliar city, glance around, and say, "Ok, so that's North-- we need to head kind of that direction to get to the concert hall."? And then they'll walk a couple of miles, turn fifteen corners, and arrive exactly there?

For that matter, you know how some people can get around in a city they've lived in for years, relying on neither a map nor a GPS?

I'm not that person. I have no internal compass to speak of, can get lost on a routine errand, and credit a combination of my GPS and Google Maps with my ability to find my own feet.

Last week, I visited Montana, and spent all of my time in a town that I have practically grown up in-- I've been there almost every summer and Christmas my whole life, and have probably spent more time there than some places I've actually lived (lookin' at you, Colorado!).

But can I find the grocery store? The coffee shop? My own grandmother's house? Nope. Absolutely not. Once I get off of the 90, I might as well be somewhere entirely new. (Well, actually, I finally learned how to find the coffee shop and grocery store on this trip. Thank god.)

You see, most people have internal maps that look like this:

I will take the exact same image, and by the time it gets to my brain, it looks like this:

I wish I was kidding.

You may be wondering if there is ANY exception to this rule. Can I find my way around tiny towns? Places I currently live? The home towns of longtime friends?

Nope.

The only-- only-- city I have ever been able to navigate without specific instructions?

Rome.

Go figure.

New Species, New Friend

I'd like to introduce you to Clover's newest friend.

As she was vacuuming up cupcake crumbs (cheerfully and willingly, I might add) the other day, she stroked the vacuum cleaner gently and turned to me. "This is Herbert," she said. "He's a Norwegian Dwarf Elephant."

Of course he is.

Have I mentioned lately that I love that kid?