Source of Irritation

Ok, look. I realize I may be a party of one here, but let's discuss something.

That "you're beautiful" graffiti? You know how it's written on buildings and inside bathroom stalls? You know how people leave it, probably thinking they're leaving an uplifting message? You know how other people take pictures, re-blog it, pin it, and generally swoon over it?

Yeah, ok. Kudos for the thought and all.

But seriously? Seriously.

A) The way we use the world, "beauty" is almost always an external factor. We give lip service to internal beauty, but have you ever actually used that concept to describe someone? Really? We say people are kind, or smart, or brave, or adventurous, or any number of other positive things, but if we say they are beautiful, we mean that physically. If not, we have to clarify. "She's a really beautiful person. Inside and out." If you just leave it at "She's a really beautiful person," everyone will assume you mean physically. Which is fine. That's accurate for some people.

B) Beauty is not something to be proud of. You can be happy with it, for sure, but you did nothing to achieve your beauty. (Unless, I suppose, you did a ton of plastic surgery or have completely re-designed your face with make up, or whatever.) This is especially true in my case. I have some naturally lovely features, and some that are less so. There are parts of my body and face that I love the look of, and others that I don't. I'm not proud of my eyes. They are what they are. They're pretty, but I didn't do anything to make that happen. I'm not ashamed of my nose. It's not my favorite feature, but it isn't my fault.  If you're going to give me a compliment, tell me something positive about myself that I actually have some control over. I can take pride in that.

C) A person's beauty (or lack thereof) is no where near the single most important thing about her. (And I say "her" because these standards are disproportionately applied to women and girls, though I recognize that men, boys, and people across the gender spectrum are also affected.)There is so. much. more. to a person than how he or she looks. Stop endowing this concept with more weight than it deserves.

And stop writing on stuff that you're not supposed to be writing on. Unless you're Banksy, keep your Sharpie in your pocket.

Love

           “So no love in your life?”

            That’s not what she meant, actually. She didn’t mean to imply that I lived a loveless existence. She wasn’t trying to say that I was lonely or disconnected. It wasn’t, I think, what she was trying to communicate.

            In this age bracket, solidly mid-twenties, there is a question that is as ubiquitous as the red wine. “So, what’s going in your love life?” It’s a friendly inquiry into the other person’s life, an opportunity to hear about the escapades, joys, and sorrows.

Ordinarily I, a happily single woman, just brush off the question. “Nah,” I laugh. “I’m too buried in work! What about you?” and we’re off and running, bantering or deeply discussing my compatriot’s relationship status.

The other day, though, the script wasn’t followed. I gave my standard response to the question, and the other person lightly responded, “Ah, so no love in your life?”

I was a bit taken aback, and somewhat affronted. “No,” I responded a bit stiffly, “My life is full of love. Just not romantic love.”

            What is this world that we are living in, where the ability to tie yourself to another person is the pinnacle of your worth? Why was this person’s conclusion that there was no love in my life? I’m sure she would never have suggested that if she had stopped and thought about it; I’m positive that she knows that there is more than one kind of love, and that happiness can come down many avenues.

            But that was her knee-jerk reaction. “There’s no love in your life.”

            I don’t have to defend my life, and I’m not going to. It is full, and it is good, and I am happy. That’s what things can be like, you know, when your life is as full of love as mine is.

           

             

Make the Ordinary Come Alive

Make the Ordinary Come Alive

Do not ask your children

to strive for extraordinary lives.

Such striving may seem admirable,

but it is a way of foolishness.

Help them instead to find the wonder

and the marvel of an ordinary life.

Show them the joy of tasting

tomatoes, apples, and pears.

Show them how to cry

when pets and people die.

Show them the infinite pleasure

in the touch of a hand.

And make the ordinary come alive for them.

The extraordinary will take care of itself.

- William Martin

I love this poem, because it is how I was raised. There was delight in textures and colors and noises and experiences. We made soup out of the crabapples and whirligigs and flower petals and water from the hose. We put too much bubble bath in the tub and turned on the jets until our faces were hidden by foam. We made smiling snacks out of apple slices with ruby skins, peanut butter holding marshmallow "teeth" in place. We played in the rain until our clothes clung wetly to our bodies. We erected a large wooden cross for a dead goldfish and mourned its untimely passing. There were storybooks read with expression, memorized, quoted.

The ordinary became alive.

And it became extraordinary. 

Are you there, God? It's me, Blythe.

I had what some people would call “A Religious Experience.”

I personally don’t subscribe to any religion or spirituality beyond the “Wow, isn’t life amazing?” philosophy. (Ok, there’s a bit more to it than that, but not much.) I’m happy for people who are theists, and I’m happy for people who aren’t and, really, as long as you’re not trying to change what I believe, or use your own personal beliefs to influence politics, well… Rock on. Happy religioning.

But I kind of wish this had happened to one of those people, because this would have made him or her So Happy. If you are religious, this is my gift to you. Take this story. Enjoy it. Marvel in my inability to see proof of god in this.

This all brings me to:

On Thursday, I had a LOT going on. It was going to be a stressful (although ultimately good) day. I was a bit anxious about it, but nothing overwhelming. I drove to work the same way I always do, and passed a sign that read, “God loves you. Do you believe it?”

Well, no. I thought. Mostly because I don’t believe an omnipotent god exists. After all, if you were God, wouldn’t you want people to know? If you were omnipotent, why wouldn’t you prove yourself to doubters like me?

And how do you show people that you love them anyway? I know some religious people think that proof of God’s love can be found in the existence of our family and friends and what have you. But since I don’t believe that, why would God not work to convince people like me?

What do I do when I love people? Well, I tell them. I hug them, or spend time with them, or inquire into their lives. Or I send cards or letters, or text messages, or presents. If God wanted to prove his love to me, why wouldn’t he do that?

And at that very moment, I turned a corner, and a bright, beautiful rainbow stretched across the sky in front of me.

Touché, God.

101 Goals in 1001 Days

Have you seen this idea floating around the Internet? The concept is pretty straightforward: Create a list of 101 things you would like to accomplish, and then do so in 1001 days. My friend and I are going to do it together, which will be fun. We'll be able to compare notes on our process, and in some cases we have planned in some overlap (we're going Yurt camping together, for example). 

I'm pretty excited about this plan. It will be good incentive to do some of the things I really should do, and will also provide some reason to do the stuff I want to do but can't always justify. (Um, it's on my list. I have to.)

The only challenge right now is coming up with 101 things I need to/want to do! I'm at 36, I think. If anyone has any recommendations, by all means let me know. 

Don't Walk

At the corner, in the rain 

DON'T WALK 

Glares across the road 

I think it meets my gaze

DON'T WALK

What does it want me to do, then?

Stand? Sit? Sleep?

Run?

I have manners

And I am obedient

And this is Seattle

And there is rain, and no cars 

And 

DON'T WALK

And

DON'T WALK

And the people on the corner, there

With me

People with places to be

And hands to hold

And jobs to do

DON'T WALK

They have things to run to

And from

But they

DON'T WALK

(or run?) 

And we don't make eye contact with each other

Just

DON'T WALK

Until she steps off the curb

She who doesn't have any of the usual looks

Who is not "grimly determined"

Who is not "flippant"

Who isn't a rebel

Who simply doesn't wait

For

DON'T WALK

To flicker

And turn

To

How I aged 20 years in a day

The saga begins thusly:

On Saturday, I received the following email from my "academic advisor"*

Blythe,

Have you been satisfying your missing pre-reqs? I just received an email from our Registrar stating their records show you are missing all six pre-reqs. Are there any community college transcripts you need to submit?

Stan**

This was crazy. I knew that, and was not concerned. I had one missing pre-req, a math class I was already taking. All of the others had been fulfilled. The university had told me so. I know, because I was paying careful attention: these pre-reqs must be fulfilled prior to student teaching, or they don't let you do your student teaching, you don't graduate, and you don't become a teacher. So, yeah. I was pretty sure I had met the requirements.

Stan,

That is so weird. The only pre-req that I had not completed was the math class (in which I am currently enrolled). I am not even sure what other pre-reqs you are talking about. Do I need to re-submit a college transcript?

Blythe

I considered the matter dealt with, though I was irritated at the prospect of spending $7 to re-submit a transcript I had already given them at least twice.

He acknowledged that was weird, because "no one even usually starts missing all six pre-reqs." He got the register to re-evaluate my transcript (which, yes, they did have). She got back to us quickly.

I now show that NS with lab is met and so is the College Comp I from Scripps.   All else is still needed.  Are we missing transcripts, we have no others pending. 

You read that correctly. They admit that I have fulfilled TWO of the SIX pre-reqs. I know that I need to fulfill one of the math requirements, so there are now *THREE* pre-reqs up for discussion: one English class, one Social Studies class, and a math class. Note, I was a psych major. Almost everything I took should have qualified for social studies. I took a variety of theatre literature classes, which should have easily met the English requirements, and psychology statistics should have done away with the math requirement. What was the issue? 

Well the English Courses typically have to have an English designator such as English Composition, Lit, Reading.
Stats has never counted to satisfy the Math requirements.
History, Geography, Civics and Econ are the courses I typically see satisfying the Social Studies aspect.
And a Life or Physical Science (Biology, Botany, Chemistry , Geology and others fall into this category)
Math for Elm Ed you've already taken.
I'll have to stand back and allow our Registrar and the Program Director sort this out for you. If it turns out you do need a class I can help you find what you need.

Stan

Thanks for your support, Stan. And for your advice. At this point, I'm getting really concerned. Am I not going to be allowed to do my student teaching and complete the program? What. the. hell.

I am so frustrated by this situation. I don't understand why I was led to believe that my classes would fulfill these requirements or, having determined that they will not fulfill them, why this is the first I am hearing of it.

I have been very unhappy with the communication between School** and its students, but this really is the most egregious example of poor communication I have experienced thus far.

Please advise me as to how to proceed with this.

Blythe

Translation: You are my advisor, goddamnit. Where have you been all this time?! And now that you are here, advise me, for goodness' sake!

I sent another e-mail to our (really lovely) program director, explaining the problem.

Hi Gloria,***

I'm not sure if you are the person to approach about this, but my plan is just to keep asking people until someone can help me!

I was recently (Thursday) told that I had not completed the required pre-reqs for the MIT program. This was quite surprising news to me, as I had been told upon my acceptance to the program that I had only one additional pre-req to fulfill, my Math for Elementary Teachers class (in which I am currently enrolled). This would have been a pain, but not a significant problem, if I had been told this back in the fall of 2012. Clearly, though, that is not what happened. In fact, I wasn't even concerned when I first saw the e-mail-- I thought it was a simple matter of a misplaced transcript. This is the first I have heard of any incomplete pre-requisites, and I am, as you may imagine, panicking a little bit.

I truly believe that my undergraduate experience fulfills all of the pre-reqs, and I am surprised and very concerned that this seems to be a matter for debate (or outright dismissal). I plan on finishing my MIT program in June, with my full time student teaching starting on April 1. This is sounding like it could throw a serious wrench in my plans.  I am a strong candidate in the program, and I know I have been doing well in my internship placements. I am eager and excited to have my own classroom, and would be devastated to have to postpone or delay this goal.

I believe you have been copied on most of the e-mail chain surrounding this issue, but if you have not, I can give you more details about the problem. Can you please advise me on the steps to be taken?

Thanks,
Blythe

By now, I'm really worried. I am having visions of a very, very different Next Year than I had anticipated. In an effort to calm myself slightly, I write the following note:

-       - I wonder if they have the power to waive the requirements, or accept other classes in their stead.

-      -  If they CAN do that, I think they WILL. It’s not in anyone’s best interest for me to not be able to finish the program.

-       - If they CAN’T, then realistically this will only delay my degree by a year. That would be annoying as hell, but survivable.  Right now, it sounds like a really long time, and would be awful. But, reallyreally, it’s not that long in the grand scheme of things. 10 years from now, it totally won’t matter. Maybe, actually, this will give me the opportunity to do something I’d Really Like To Do. Like, maybe I’ll travel. Maybe I’ll do something totally different, like work for a non-profit for a while. Maybe I’ll do RETAIL. Maybe I’ll completely disregard money and logic. Or, at least, partially disregard money and logic. I will be angry and upset and sad, and that’s all ok. But it will be ok.

It doesn't work as well as I would have hoped. I feel slightly calmer, but not really. I bite my nails, and wait for a response from somebody, reloading my e-mail account every minute or so.

At about 4:00, I received a call from the Really Lovely Program Director.

"Hi, Blythe. This is Gloria. How are you doing?"
"Panicked, yourself?"
"I would have been too, in your position. I'm really sorry. We've worked it all out. We looked back through our records, and we did tell you that you only needed the one pre-req. We really are the culpable party, and we have worked it out. I sat down with the registrar, and we have taken care of everything."

So, after hours of an elevated heart rate and rapidly increasing quantity of grey hair, it's resolved. It will be fine.

Gloria was very apologetic. The registrar was impersonal but polite: "I am sorry for any additional worry or stress this caused and do appreciate your patience." (What patience?) And Stan? I got the following e-mail from him-- the same one that Gloria and the registrar got too:

Thank you all.




*I have never met this man. He e-mails me once a quarter to tell me for which classes I need to register.
**Name changed, to protect the guilty
***Name changed, because this is the internet.